Every World Cup
http://www.snpp.com/episodes/5F01 % Act one. On the Simpsons' TV, a man in a cowboy hat barbeques a soccer % ball and thrusts it, skewered and flaming, at the camera, screaming, "Open % wide for some soccer!" As the commercial continues, high-action footage % of soccer matches accompany the announcer's voice. TV Announcer: The Continental Soccer Association is coming to Springfield! It's all here--fast-kicking, low scoring, and ties? You bet! Bart: Hey, Dad, how come you've never taken us to see a soccer game? Homer: I...don't know. TV Announcer: You'll see all your favorite soccer stars. Like Ariaga! Ariaga II! Bariaga! Aruglia! And Pizzoza! Homer: Oh, I never heard of those people. TV Announcer: And they'll all be signing autographs! Homer: Woo-hoo! TV Announcer: This match will determine once and for all which nation is the greatest on earth: Mexico or Portugal! -- Watching television, "The Cartridge Family" % After wholeheartedly accepting Bart and Lisa's pleas that the family % attend the match, we watch as the crowds gather at Springfield Stadium. % The Simpsons sit together, preparing themselves for watching the game. Oh, I'll kill myself if Portugal doesn't win. -- Homer making empty threats, "The Cartridge Family" Marge: It's hard to believe this used to be an internment camp. Bart: Yo! Paella Man! Wing one up here! -- At the soccer game, "The Cartridge Family" % The vendor tosses a bowl of yellow goop toward Bart, who catches it. % Lisa, meanwhile, points out that Pele is on the field. The soccer star % takes a microphone in hand and addresses the crowd. Pele is king of the soccer field. To be king of your kitchen, use Crestfield Wax Paper. -- Think he works for Crestfield? A sellout soccer player, "The Cartridge Family" % The referee blows his whistle, and the game begins. The Mexican team % has first possession of the ball, kicking it with extreme caution around % midfield as the crowd buzzes with excitement. The opposition stands nearby, % hesitantly guarding its side. As the situation continues, the crowd's % excitement begins to level off, until everyone in the stands sits silent. Homer: [shouting] Boring! Krusty: Come on, you schnorers, do something! Brockman: [calling plays from booth listlessly] Halfback passes to the center. Back to the wing. Back to the center. Center holds it. Holds it. [rolls eyes] Holds it... Mexican Announcer: [excitedly] Halfback passes to center, back to wing, back to center, center holds it! Holds it! Holds it! Sideshow Mel: I can't bear this any longer, I'm leaving! Moe: Yeah, not before me you ain't. Flanders: Now, now, there's plenty of exits for everyone! Moe: Oh, that's it, you're dead, pal! [puts Flanders into a headlock] Skinner: Hey, now, that's uncalled for. Lenny: Shut your hole, Skinner! -- The start of a traditional soccer riot, "The Cartridge Family" % Lenny punches Principal Skinner in the stomach, knocking him into the % aisle stairway. He collides with Barney's beer tray, spilling it. Barney, % enraged, runs headfirst into the increasingly large number of people % fighting on the stairs, bowling them over. Meanwhile, a group of Scottish % men watching the game stare boredly at nothing in particular. Ach! They call this a soccer riot? Come on, boys, let's take 'em to school! -- Groundskeeper Willie to his fellow scots, "The Cartridge Family" % The men, rolling up their sleeves, start to pound anyone who comes near % them. It's not long before the entire stadium is embroiled in a voilent % riot. The Simpsons stand next to their seats. Marge: Homer, we've got to get out of here! Homer: Ooh, but I want to do some rioting. [pushes one of the Scotsmen] Scotsman: [turns to face Homer, screaming] Jobbers cobknots, ya mucker! Homer: All done! [runs off]
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